ReNewal (1)

It has been almost six years since I have begun to live my life more experientially. Living with purpose. Living to live more. What a fantastic journey it has been. Every moment leading to the next until I am always Here in this Moment. I felt guided for a change of venue in my life and to look at the past as I push onward into the future. I’d like to talk about synchronicity and peeling back the layers of Self to a truer identity that dwells beneath it all. That which is behind all of us; that Higher Self, our Soul, whatever label you want to put onto that energy. It’s there guiding us if we are willing to listen with an open heart.

In 2011, I came back from a three-year tour in Germany (minus one in Iraq during that time), but it wasn’t just me coming back. I had an inconvenient friend as well. A titanium plate and eight screws in my left, not so funny, humerus. Being on a limited duty status for a while will tend to let yourself “go”. Physically/mentally whatnot. I did make a discovery though while back home…Netflix, and on there I found, The Secret; which as everyone knows is the Law of Attraction. Really put my life into perspective! I was looking at my life in a new light now and for the better part of a year, every night, I would fall asleep to The Secret, and if I woke up in the middle of the night I would put it back on. I can recall the point virtually where I would fall asleep shortly thereafter when Mike Dooley would say, “Thoughts…become…things…”, as he would enunciate this by using his fingers to drive the point home. Towards the end of 2012 I really thought I had a handle on the Law of Attraction and what it meant to me. I had no clue. I was in command at the time (battery commander for basic training at Fort Sill) and was selected to interview for a second command. I was All In for that. Instead I had no idea that the brigade commander secretly had another plan for me. Brigade Operations. He really needed help there on staff, so instead of getting my second command, I am back to the grindstone again.

I mean it was fine though. Gainfully employed, plus there is kind of a relief you get coming out of a command position where the weight of the world is lifted a bit. The weight of responsibility. I’m working on staff in operations for a couple months when one day my boss (an Army major) says to me, ”Ben, it’s just me and you up here!”, even though we had a few civilians and Soldiers, he didn’t feel confident in their skill sets. This is where I started to make a shift in my mental dynamics. To become Better for “him”. He needed me to be more and so I completely cut out drinking. I didn’t drink every day, but probably too much on the weekends that really had me off balance for the first part of the week. I needed to be better than that. This was in December 2012 and already had some thoughts about the upcoming year. Like eating more organic and starting to get back to a regular fitness regimen. Well January 2013 came and I started to do exactly that. After one week of it, my new First Sergeant came to my office to inform me that since I was no longer on a temporary profile for my arm (I had made it a permanent profile) that I was eligible for a PT test. I was like, hmmmm great, I just started a new routine and I have an Army Physical Fitness Test in two weeks. I passed. Bare minimum. The problem laid in the next phase of that morning…the weigh-in. Turns out that I was 20lbs over my max weight in the Army for my height and age. So when you are over, they tape you. It’s a fairly humiliating experience where you go into the First Sergeants (1SG) office and remove your shirt while another noncommissioned officer starts the measurements and 1SG writes them down. In my mind, I was……MORTIFIED. A captain in the Army. Gut hanging out, listening to measurements, and inside my mind I am just screaming out loud to absolutely no one/no thing and yet……I was.  All of the sudden in those brief seconds as this was all taking place, I felt this stillness, this calm wash over me, and I heard this Voice say, “Are you ready to listen to me now?”, and it was in that moment when I mentally said, “Yes”, that I surrendered to my SELF. My Higher-Self. Right after that YES I started to receive instructions. You need to become a vegetarian. I’m like, “Yes, absolutely, I’m all yours.”  To the 1SG, as I was walking out, I said, “Can I come and see you in one month for a weigh-in?” He told me I sure could, and in one month I was one pound under my max weight. Otherwise I would have been flagged for being overweight and not looking so good for me and the home team for future promotion (or EMPLOYMENT). So it went, I received instructions and then I implemented them.  Meditate. Pray. Recite positive affirmations Out Loud, not just read them silently to the space and void that is in your mind, but sending out a verbal vibrational frequency that is felt from the words you say and received back with the ears you hear with. 

A long and short message to this point in time takes me back to Dec 2012 when I was incorrectly trying to be “better” for someone else, my boss. The lesson to me was that I needed to become a better version of Me. The Shift had begun.

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