Retirement Reverie

Last week, my sister inquired about what I had been writing about lately and I was like, what a coincidence you should ask, I wrote about my Infinite Christmas.  She thought that was cool but suggested I write about what it’s been like retired for the past year.  Yes.  Great idea.  Thank you.

You must understand; I started my military journey in 1992 on Parris Island.  This is my THIRD time getting out and fortunately my last.  My ex-wife convinced me to leave the Marines in 1998 and go to college, get a degree etc.  I compromised with the caveat of potentially coming back into service as an officer.  It was really hard though.  I LOVED being a Marine.  I loved my job as a combat marksmanship instructor for Marine Corps Security Forces in Chesapeake, VA.  LOVED shooting competitions in the Marines.  That was all gone before I knew it and I was a college student with a bunch of “punk kids” with no discipline in their bodies.  I was depressed for over a year.  I hated being a civilian.  Eventually time has a way of marching you through and my ex-wife, over the course of the next three years, convinced me that maybe I should consider joining the Army as an officer…which literally took three years to finally sit well enough with me.  I did it.

I received a BA in History and applied for Army Officer Candidate School (OCS).  Got it.  Commissioned as a 2nd lieutenant in the summer of 2002.  By spring of 2003 I was at Fort Bragg and by that November I found myself in Afghanistan.  During my time there, my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer.  It had already spread to her liver etc.  Unbeknownst to me, my ex-wife at the same time began living a double life with a man she met while teaching (he was a teacher as well).  It wasn’t until I came home from Afghanistan did I realize how bad things were.  Mom is dying, and wife leaving me.  I wasn’t doing to well but somehow managed to keep it together.  At least until spring of 2005 when my mom died.  I made the promotion list for captain as well around the same time.  Also, around the same time our unit found out it was going to deploy again but to Iraq this time.  Something else was coming up in the summer of 2005…my three year “obligated” service time as an OCS commissioned officer.  I couldn’t do this.  I was a train wreck.  I put in my paperwork to get out.  I did not want to.  No way.  That wasn’t the plan when I first enlisted in 1992.  I was going to serve my time and retire with honor.  I got out and was living out of my car as a homeless person for three months (that’s a heck of a story).  I did find my way back home to Ohio and in less than a year I was feeling pretty damn good.  I wanted back in.

I applied to get my commission back in September 2006 and by the beginning of August 2007…I was back to finish what I started.  I enjoyed the rest of those 10 years until I retired.  I really was going to serve longer but Trump helped make up my mind on that decision while he was sending childish tweets to a psychopath less than 200 miles away from where I was stationed in South Korea.  However, the thing is…I didn’t mind!  I was HAPPY to get out.  The process was smooth and enjoyable.  I had so many people help mentor me throughout my last year.  It was Great.  One year ago last month I was Free of my obligation.  Not just to the Nation but to mySelf.  I made a declaration in 1992 and I was going to complete what I started.  And this past year?  It really flew by!  I had some amazing adventures in Colorado, Arizona, and of course in Texas where I retired to, BUT the best part of all is that I finally felt satisfied.  I am Living my Best Life and will continue to.  My Life My Terms.

Peace, My Friends!

Infinite Christmas

Six years ago, and a few months into my Shift in Awareness, I became absorbed by the notion of infinity.  I couldn’t shake it.  I got infinity paintings and pictures, plus a very cool wooden sculpture.  These things all led up to having the infinity symbol tattooed to my upper right shoulder.  Christmas that year found me enjoying the holidays with my Soul Sisters and they ensured I had the perfect BenGi Santa hat to celebrate with.  After I returned home, and was unpacking, Santa hat fell to the floor.  I picked it up and the first thing I saw was my infinity sculpture.  Really without thinking, I went over and placed the hat on the sculpture.  Infinite Christmas, I thought.  A constant reminder to enjoy and celebrate every single day.  This Gift of Life we have on a continuous basis.

Over the next year, the sisters came to visit me every now and then and remarked about how cool it was having Infinite Christmas around me every day.  It must have really struck an elegant note with them as they had a very special pillow made for me.  A Christmas present that following year.  Little messages of what they thought made up Me.  In the center of it, and in gold letters, Infinite Christmas.  It is probably one of the Greatest Christmas presents I ever received.

I guess my message is this:  Surround yourself with things that are a Reminder of this Gift of Life.  It doesn’t have to be an Infinite Christmas.  Listen to your Heart.  It will tell you how to honor your Life.

Because I live my life like a mirror, I reflect which I am most enveloped by.  I Choose to be surrounded by beautiful and amazing things to include a Christmas without end. 

Celebrate Life Eternally, My Friends 😊

Citizen of the Universe

“What now?”, I’m thinking.  What now.  I accomplished my year long once a month blog from 2014-2015 on notions I was having post-Shift.  Time went by until I retired almost a year ago this month.  Technically it was 1 Aug 18, but if you have leave days accrued you can use them leading up to your actual retirement date.  I had about 36 days I believe…  I knew I was going to finally write about what led me into the Shift, which I accomplished in ReNewal.  Moved onto my Canyon Lake Retreat and private words written in a journal from 2014.  Done.  Something popped into my mind about the UFO phenomena which brought us to Unidentified.  Moments have passed by until this moment in contemplation.  I believe that most individuals have at least some general theme on WordPress, right?  I mean for the most part.  You write about what you love and something that you can identify with.  Who you are.  Who am I.

That is always such a brilliant question.  I never have liked being put in a box and labeled though.  I am a Marine (established the significant amount of discipline I bring).  I am a Soldier (defined me for the last 10yrs until retirement).  I am a Runner (since my first marathon in 1993, Marine Corps Marathon in DC, to my next one in McAllen, TX this Jan 2020).  I am an INFJ (never heard of the Myers-Briggs test until my senior military training as a major and found myself as “this” personality trait).  I am an Empath (“wow” and “of course”, it all made sense after coming to the realization in 2013).  I am a Roller Skater (since I was 7yrs old and still jammin’ on).  I guess one of the overarching ones is, I am a Mind-Body-Spirit Enthusiast (a phrase I started using a couple years ago when I had to write an “introduction” card about myself for a boss that was introducing me to the section I began working at…list your hobbies, which I summed up into MBS E)…

I am, we are, so many things.  Figuring out who I am is not really of any benefit to you, and especially not to me as I know who I am.  I would like to create some Value Added and utilize the prefix in benefit, ben, root meaning, good.  It helps that my name actually is Ben I suppose.  How can my words be Good for you?  I don’t know, like maybe verbal vitamins of a sort.  My (Soul) sisters think I should start a YouTube channel and be like a Tony Robbins motivational type speaker.  To that I say I am not quite Feeling it.  I mean I can sum up a lot of what I would have to say in, “the answers you are looking for are already inside you…”  Then again, most people are very focused on the external.  I can help to light a path on a new direction I suppose, but right now, a YouTube channel is not the way to go for me. 

Think, Ben, think.  Better yet, Feel.  I tend to do a lot better when writing from the Heart as opposed to the head.  So, I want to bring out something that connects us all right here and now…our humanity.  I love being a human, and I love living on this gorgeous lifeform we call Earth.  Countries divide each other as do ethnicities etc.  So much division and so much hate.  Racism.  I was Blessed to have two wonderful Souls raise me, mom and grandma, and never knew of bigotry.  I was aware of it and more so as the years went on but that was something that I just couldn’t understand.  My understanding of it now is that a great number are still asleep while thinking they are awake.  A big difference between being awake and Awake.

This WordPress site was created as I continue to Live in the Light, and so that must be the “theme” to be expressed. As I Live in the Light, I Shine my Light out toward You…

I was reading an article not too long ago that flowed back into my mind this morning.  Human beings are virtually 99.9% identical when it comes to our DNA.  The idea of ethnic cleansing from one race over another race is extremely sad.  Especially when we are the same.  The very thing that divides so many on our planet is the ONE thing that should be Uniting us.  We Are Human Beings.  The importance of being good and kind to others is so fundamental.  If we want to elevate the energy on this planet to a Loving state then we must elevate those around us, and they elevate those around them, and so on and so on…

A Star Trek future is within our grasp.  A United Planet, united with other planets.  Too cool.  Yet…we CAN reach out to this potential future through our Will and Desire.  Who am I?  I am a child of the cosmos.  I am a Citizen of the Universe.

Please join me and Always look on the Bright Side  😊

Final Renewal

Continuing in my second command in San Antonio, I received word that I made the list for major (something I definitely wanted).  Also, a few months later, I found out that I was selected to be a resident at the Command General Staff College (CGSC) at Fort Leavenworth, Kansas (also known as ILE, Intermediate Level Education for “majors”).  That was superb news.  They only take about 50% of the promotables to attend there on the campus.  The other half would have to take the online courses AND do their day job.  I knew what I wanted way before that time came up and focused on being a resident.  Living a higher vibrational frequency allowed me to manifest that goal easily.  When I finally arrived there in July 2015, something dawned on me.  I do not like school!  Never have.  It wasn’t until my shift in consciousness year of 2013 that I found I was more of a natural empath.  Looking back on my life, especially adolescence, teen years spent in school made so much sense.  I never felt like ME.  I was too much of everyone else.  I was the chameleon in school.  Fit in everywhere with everyone yet belonged no where to anyone.  That’s a rabbit hole I won’t go down right now.  The point being is that I was going to be stuck for one year in “class” again with 15 of my peers.  I never missed one day, unlike my childhood, however, it was very taxing on me.  I really had to keep myself centered and grounded.  Every morning before class I sat in my car for 5-10min and focused on a grounding meditation.  The year passed by and I survived.  Nothing substantial of note this year aside from kind of closing down my normal shining light which read, OPEN FOR BUSINESS.  The thing that made me chuckle though when I first arrived at the campus was the huge statue/sculpture out front of the main building.  A giant magic lamp, like as in Aladdin.  I thought to the Universe, “You’re wish is my command…”

I was afforded an opportunity to pick where to go next.  Well.  Sort of.  Two choices.  I could go to Kuwait or I could go to South Korea.  I did not hesitate to pick South Korea as I already had done the desert deal a couple times before (involuntarily).  I was going to be a part of the Transformation Cell at Camp Humphreys for the garrison there.  July 2016 through July 2017.  Eventually that morphed into me working for the Department of Plans, Training, Mobilization, and Security, also known as DPTMS.  DPTMS is a kind of like Operations for a garrison but to a greater extent.  A year passed there with again nothing significant, aside from a psychopath detonating a nuclear weapon 300 miles away.  Plus, I was not to keen on the idea of my President sending out scathing insults to the North Korean leader via Twitter.  That was kind of nuts.  It also helped cement the idea that when I came back home, I would make plans to retire.

I was so fortunate to have a branch, Field Artillery, that was willing to work with me on my retirement to such an extent that they gave me the opportunity to pick where I wanted to go.  I had one condition though.  I could not “NOT” retire.  I told him I was planning on retiring on Texas and he suggested Fort Hood.  He read my mind.  Exactly where I wanted to retire and had a considerable reputation on helping pave the road for future retirees.  They also ensured I was able to get another specialty job…DPTMS once again.  So fortunate, so blessed to work with the individuals there.  Most of whom were retired military and were now DACs (Department of the Army Civilians).  I received so much guidance and advice that there was no way my retirement path would not go exactly how I wanted it to.  It did.  And then some.  I had mentioned to some of them that I always felt a little bittersweet about being promoted to major.  I was no longer Captain America!  There was no such thing as Major America!  I was wrong.  Apparently, there is now with a giant framed picture they gave me.  I couldn’t believe my eyes.  Blown away with gratitude. 

My official retirement date occurred 1 August but with the leave time that I had accrued, I was out of the Army by mid-June.  The year of July 2017 through June 2018 I continued what I had started in 2013.  Starting every morning with Gratitude, prayer, affirmations, followed by meditation.  By holding myself in a continuous state of Positivity, I was able to ensure that I would retire with grace and ease.

Eight months later (where did the time go?), I find myself on Day 4 (today, 23 Feb 19) of my Hay House Mystical Connections Summit, and…and…well, hmmm, I guess you could say I am On Fire.  From past lives, to creating your dream life, to connect with your guides, tuning in to your guardian angel, to enhancing intuition……..On Fire.  I have looked at, delved into, skimmed but never really really conducted a Deep Dive in what will be about 28 topics when I am through.  In doing so, today, I can say, “Breakthrough”.  Mainly with my mind and meditation.  I changed the way I meditated 2/3s of the way through my morning meditation and, well it’s hard to explain, but “Ka-Blam”.  Afterwards, it reminded me of when I was a child.  Terrified of the water, couldn’t swim, but one day, around age 10, I started to doggy paddle somehow.  It was exciting. My mom signed me up for swim lessons and I was hooked.  Swimming became easy.  Effortless.  Now I feel like, Wow.  It’s like I am actually exercising my brain in a focused controlled state.  It’s incredible.  In the past, I would normally close my eyes focus on breathing, try and stay as blank as possible OR mantras of Oms or my favorite, the 7min Chakra Tune-up on YouTube.  This is different now.  Like I walked through a new door of Light. 

Anyway, apologies, as this went on longer than I would have liked.  However, during my sessions though, I was guided to eventually share a collection of thoughts I captured on a four day retreat I took back in April 2014 at Canyon Lake in Texas.  I just “got away” from it all.  Just over a year after my Shift, I needed time to reflect on that past year and capture my thoughts down in a journal out in nature.  Those thoughts brought to you via a WordPress site in the near future.