Dreaming Reality

I know what you’re thinking.  This is a blog post about our reality being a dream 😊.  Well…yes, of course!  No, not really, but sometimes I wonder about the nature of our reality / consciousness etc…Here though I am just looking at one particular instance / experience in my life that for some reason I could never forget.  Something from my very early childhood and virtually one of my earliest memories.

I never met my biological father.  My mom met / dated him in college, he got her pregnant, and left her.  She was on track to becoming a schoolteacher but dropped out for a while to have me and spend time for my first couple of years before she went back to college.  She brought me with her to Ashland College (now Ashland University) in Ohio for her last year or so.  We lived in a duplex house (of sorts), but we had to share the bathroom with the people living on the other side of the house.  Weird, but I guess when you’re a financially struggling college student you must make do.

We slept on a pull-out couch bed in the living room and one night something woke me up.  I sat up and there was a monstrous looking man standing at the end of the bed and holding what looked like a cinder block over his head.  He was angry.  He wanted to crush me with the block but for some reason he couldn’t and that was making him even more angry.  Before I could say or do anything, there was a comforting voice, “Lay back down…”. My mom was just laying there sleeping undisturbed.  I felt safe.  Not scared at all.  I laid back down and went back to sleep…

My entire life up until circa post-Shift 2013, I had always attributed this “memory” as a dream I had as a child.  What a vivid dream to keep with me all these years.  It wasn’t until 2013 that it hit me.  It was never a dream.  I saw “something”, some manifested apparition, or whatever.  My grandmother had told me a story about a significant event that happened back in that college time with just me and my mom but for some reason I never really made any correlations between the “dream” I had and this particular event.  So, it wasn’t until many many years later, and years after my mom had passed as well back in 2005 that I had a conversation with my great aunt about it.  Because she was there…

Every now and then my grandma and her youngest sister (by 20yrs!) would make the 3hr drive to Ashland to visit my mom and I.  One Saturday morning, as my aunt recalls, my grandma wakes up with this “feeling” that she needed to come visit us.  A bit impromptu for sure as my aunt and her always made plans well in advance.  She called my aunt and asked her if she wouldn’t mind going on a trip to see Jeannie and Ben (this is in 1973 and we didn’t have a phone in our duplex for grandma to call us).  Of course she would, as she had no plans that day.

They arrived a little while later in the morning and saw my mom’s little yellow Vega out front.  Knocked on the door, no answer.  Pounded on the door and nothing.  My aunt walked across the front porch and put her eyes to the glass to look inside and saw me and my mom sleeping on the pull-out couch and shortly after that she smelled it.  Gas.  They broke the front window to rescue us.  I don’t remember any of that.  Zilch.  Seems like such an impactful event that I would have to remember it, right? (or I was really “out of it” from the gas…) Anyway…there was literally a fire department right across the street from our duplex and my aunt ran over there for help.  We had a kitten.  She didn’t make it.  Strange but I do remember my mom and I burying her in the backyard.  It was the gas stove that was the culprit.  Hose came out or cracked…?

After the Shift in 2013, I began seeing and experiencing the world much differently.  That time in my life came back to me and finally made sense.  A negative spirit or entity wanted to end my life and found a way to do so, however, a protective entity (angel?) was there to watch over me and even…send Help.

Now the notion of spirits and angelic beings is not for everyone.  Got it.  For me, and from my Perspective since 2013, it is a part of my Reality. 

Bless!

Citizen of the Universe

“What now?”, I’m thinking.  What now.  I accomplished my year long once a month blog from 2014-2015 on notions I was having post-Shift.  Time went by until I retired almost a year ago this month.  Technically it was 1 Aug 18, but if you have leave days accrued you can use them leading up to your actual retirement date.  I had about 36 days I believe…  I knew I was going to finally write about what led me into the Shift, which I accomplished in ReNewal.  Moved onto my Canyon Lake Retreat and private words written in a journal from 2014.  Done.  Something popped into my mind about the UFO phenomena which brought us to Unidentified.  Moments have passed by until this moment in contemplation.  I believe that most individuals have at least some general theme on WordPress, right?  I mean for the most part.  You write about what you love and something that you can identify with.  Who you are.  Who am I.

That is always such a brilliant question.  I never have liked being put in a box and labeled though.  I am a Marine (established the significant amount of discipline I bring).  I am a Soldier (defined me for the last 10yrs until retirement).  I am a Runner (since my first marathon in 1993, Marine Corps Marathon in DC, to my next one in McAllen, TX this Jan 2020).  I am an INFJ (never heard of the Myers-Briggs test until my senior military training as a major and found myself as “this” personality trait).  I am an Empath (“wow” and “of course”, it all made sense after coming to the realization in 2013).  I am a Roller Skater (since I was 7yrs old and still jammin’ on).  I guess one of the overarching ones is, I am a Mind-Body-Spirit Enthusiast (a phrase I started using a couple years ago when I had to write an “introduction” card about myself for a boss that was introducing me to the section I began working at…list your hobbies, which I summed up into MBS E)…

I am, we are, so many things.  Figuring out who I am is not really of any benefit to you, and especially not to me as I know who I am.  I would like to create some Value Added and utilize the prefix in benefit, ben, root meaning, good.  It helps that my name actually is Ben I suppose.  How can my words be Good for you?  I don’t know, like maybe verbal vitamins of a sort.  My (Soul) sisters think I should start a YouTube channel and be like a Tony Robbins motivational type speaker.  To that I say I am not quite Feeling it.  I mean I can sum up a lot of what I would have to say in, “the answers you are looking for are already inside you…”  Then again, most people are very focused on the external.  I can help to light a path on a new direction I suppose, but right now, a YouTube channel is not the way to go for me. 

Think, Ben, think.  Better yet, Feel.  I tend to do a lot better when writing from the Heart as opposed to the head.  So, I want to bring out something that connects us all right here and now…our humanity.  I love being a human, and I love living on this gorgeous lifeform we call Earth.  Countries divide each other as do ethnicities etc.  So much division and so much hate.  Racism.  I was Blessed to have two wonderful Souls raise me, mom and grandma, and never knew of bigotry.  I was aware of it and more so as the years went on but that was something that I just couldn’t understand.  My understanding of it now is that a great number are still asleep while thinking they are awake.  A big difference between being awake and Awake.

This WordPress site was created as I continue to Live in the Light, and so that must be the “theme” to be expressed. As I Live in the Light, I Shine my Light out toward You…

I was reading an article not too long ago that flowed back into my mind this morning.  Human beings are virtually 99.9% identical when it comes to our DNA.  The idea of ethnic cleansing from one race over another race is extremely sad.  Especially when we are the same.  The very thing that divides so many on our planet is the ONE thing that should be Uniting us.  We Are Human Beings.  The importance of being good and kind to others is so fundamental.  If we want to elevate the energy on this planet to a Loving state then we must elevate those around us, and they elevate those around them, and so on and so on…

A Star Trek future is within our grasp.  A United Planet, united with other planets.  Too cool.  Yet…we CAN reach out to this potential future through our Will and Desire.  Who am I?  I am a child of the cosmos.  I am a Citizen of the Universe.

Please join me and Always look on the Bright Side  😊

Unidentified

Hi!  Now that I have completed my previous journey in Canyon Lake, Texas (back in 2014), I thought I would venture back to the present, or rather be IN the present and write about the past.  Thank you so much for those that read and liked some of my “chapters” from that stream of consciousness while on retreat.  I can say that a lot can change in five years since I wrote that down.  My connection to God is, well, it’s awesome.  Many other things.  In this moment though, I can’t help but recalling events from my life that transpired many years ago.  Probably one of my least spoken about topics my whole life.  I remember even as a kid and then later as a little older teenager that it just kind of seemed taboo to talk about.  Like…who would believe you, right?

1981, I was 11 years old.  My best friend Jim, and I were playing outside, in Warren, Ohio, when one of us caught sight of something in the sky (can’t remember if it was him or me or both at the same time).  A silver disc shaped object shimmering up in the sky just sitting there and then *poof* it was gone in a flash.  We were blown away.  I mean the excitement was incredible, we know what we saw!  We ran to Jim’s house, burst into the kitchen, yelling frantically to his mom.  I do recall she took us seriously to the point where she called the Youngstown Air Base to see if she could get any information.  Nothing.  No reports in the local news.  Nada.  I remember the steam eventually leaving us and was just “one of those things” left in the past…….four years later…(the featured image looks pretty darn close to what we saw)

August 1985, the Perseid annual meteor shower.  15 years old now and brave enough to make ventures out my window on the second floor, shimmy up a narrow vertical incline to a fairly flat rooftop of my house.  For some reason Jim and I had decided to get front row seats to the meteor shower up on my roof.  It was very exciting to the point that we decided to make log entries into a notebook.  Time, direction (east to west, north to south), and type.  There were two distinctive types.  Falling stars and shooting stars.  We were up there for hours staring at the heavens just waiting for the next one, but then we discovered something else.  Anomalous objects.  So, this is 1985, not a whole lot up in our orbit like nowadays, but nevertheless there were satellites to be sure.  I remember we were very sure actually that what we were seeing were satellites, however, I believe it wasn’t long before we changed our point of view.  So, for example it would look like this bright (or barely glowing) tiny orb just making its way across the sky.  Then finally something happened.  One of the objects we were watching for a minute or so make its way a considerable distance across the sky…stopped.  I remember saying to Jim, “Did it stop?”, and he was like, “I think I still see it just sitting there.”  Which I was as well until it started moving again…in the direction it was originally coming from.  That is how it was for a few days.  We would not only track shooting and falling stars, but these other unknowns that would make random stops and course corrections.  Satellites do not do that!  We just kept that whole time to ourselves and I want to say that notebook pretty much made its way into some garbage heap after I left for the Marines in 1992.

The thing is though…I cannot remember the exact time I / We stopped going up there.  I have a memory of a dream from back then and all I recall is that it was a dream, but I want to say after 2013 it felt like it could be more.  I was on my roof staring out to the nighttime horizon with a massive cigar shaped object out there just sitting.  I was by myself, no Jim.  That’s it though.  Just standing and staring.  I don’t remember waking up from a dream.  I don’t know.  

The closest I came to seeing anything else semi-mind-blowing was sometime in 2015, San Antonio, Texas.  I was coming home from the store and looked up in the sky to my left, driver’s side, and saw some really bizarre looking chemtrail type clouds, drove a little more to the stop sign ahead and stopped, got a better look, and WTF???  Some sort of amorphous pinkish/bluish glowing object  (kind of like a diamond).  Instead of jumping out of my car and get pics and video (like I should have in the modern age!), I was like, jump in the car, make a right, another quick right and I am home in my apartment parking lot…within a minute!  It was Gone.  I was not too happy with myself at the moment, but then just let it go.  Oh well,  “One of those things.”

In this present moment, I must keep an open mind about the Life that is out there in the Universe.  I just can’t help but be amazed.  Look at just our beautiful blue and green gem we live on.  There are almost NINE MILLION individual types of lifeforms just on our planet alone.  Plants, insects…you get the idea.  That is a staggering number of lifeforms on just one tiny little blue ball floating in the vastness of space.  How could other lifeforms not exist…it takes my breath away in awe.

Canyon Lake Retreat – Captain Incoming Message and So Long (the conclusion)

The humor I mentioned much earlier…Well…It’s funny.  A year ago, in May (2013 as this retreat was in 2014), I was on the early morning run, somewhere between 0430-0500, running down Flower Mound Rd in Lawton, OK when all of the sudden the Voice in my head said, “STOP.”  I did.  “Turn around.”  I did.  “Look up.” I did and saw the vastness of space, and the stars and…what the…?  A star flashed brightly.  Perplexed I started to turn around, but I looked again, FLASH <again!>.  Incredible.  I was astonished but felt good, safe.  I was about to start running but had this thought.  I have some kind of star map app on my phone.  Held it up and gave the star that flashed a name.  Alderamin.  Never heard of it.  Anyway, this all doesn’t sound all that funny but a couple weeks later, about the same time of the morning, different road, the Voice said, “STOP, look up…”  I’m like, OK?  I see stars!  That’s it?  When all of the sudden over my headphones I hear, “CAPTAIN, INCOMING MESSAGE!” (Mr. Worf from Star Trek, incoming text/email sound byte).  And then what I felt/heard…Laughter.  Like someone was playing a cosmic prank on me!  Funny.  (There is a lot of them but just hitting a couple of the biggies)  A few months later at my friend/soul sister’s apartment just after the whole Beth Episode (maybe some other day) and was walking from her bathroom back to the living room (barefoot), thinking about Beth, a strange quirky smile and this indescribable FEELING and…SPLAT.  Walked right onto Sushi or Snoopy’s dog poo.  Heard the Laughter again.  There IS this playful sense of humor in the Universe which has fun with us all the time and when you are tuned in, you can laugh too 😀

So Long…

There is never goodbye.  Just till the next moment.  My Moment at Canyon Lake is moving into the next moment.  It was Quiet.  It was Fun.  I Am Here to Have Fun.  BUT.  I am also here to Help.  A kind word here and there.  Ernest advice.  An ear to Listen.  A Smile…Infinitely  

Canyon Lake Retreat – The Heart Grows Fonder

That thing that beats in your chest.  The thing that generates 5,000 times more electromagnetic energy than the brain.  The first organ to manifest into existence.  The Heart.  Sends more commands to the brain than vice versa.  We had it wrong.  The heart of the matter IS the Heart.  As humans, we are feeling creatures.  The feelings generate in the heart, communicated to the brain which translates into…thought.  Go figure.  The only problem has been that EGOic part which thinks it’s in control.  Thinks it knows what’s going on.  Has no clue and is very Very VERY small.  The part of the mind that makes a good run at Edging God Out.  I can’t take credit for that term/phrase.  Dr. Wayne Dyer.  Back in the day there were times I “Knew” (in the back of my mind) that the Heart was so much more.  I could feel in my chest growing and expanding with joy when I saw Carrie (ex-wife) walk down the aisle in Chautauqua, NY, and conversely the feeling in the same area after I found out she was with someone else and was leaving me.  Withering, dying, crying.  So.  We are these Feeling Beings and are able to do these things with that miraculous Heart.  It’s my belief that we are hard-wired to be Happy and Joyful, and the majority who do not express this do so out of choice.  Why?  Who knows.  Free Will.  The Experience.  Goes back to the aforementioned “being human” previously written about.  After The Shift it was like my Heart became a balloon.  Buoyant. Uplifted.  Most of all, Happy.

Canyon Lake Retreat – The Human

An Experience.  To what end?  The Spiritual Being of Love and Light manifested into physical form.  Why would such a Being do this?  Can you even fathom what it would be like to be pure Energy, pure Love?  All the other individualizations of the One all experiencing the same.  Enter the physical realm.  Be “Born”.  Live. Experience.  Grow/Expand.  Find yourSelf.  Fall back into Love.  Well.  I guess to put it mildly, I am more referring to Me here, but not everyone wants to have the same experience.  Some feel MORE by the suffering incurred upon them, which makes them appreciate the Love/Light they are even more.  And then there’s Me.  I did suffer.  Mostly self-induced in retrospect.  It seemed like I was always one step away from my Awakening.  Something would always “happen” though.  Some tragedy or travesty, some “whatever” that would send me back down the levels of consciousness.  I finally got through to the physical vessel which carries Me.  We are Spirit of The One Source and we will continue on in this Eternal Moment when the physical is no more.

Canyon Lake Retreat – The Smile

The “Smile” is something that the Voice suggested that I do not talk about, I haven’t. and don’t plan on it.  Writing about it is something different and apparently…OK.

“I Am a Smile” is one of the many I Am phrases I say each morning.  As a matter of fact, one day I noticed in the mirror, I was (in a resting facial expression) a smile waiting to happen.  I came to the realization that it wasn’t just the physical Me smiling, it was my Soul smiling at the Universe.  And here is the thing the Voice suggested not bringing up in the thousand conversations I have had in the past year…I see the Universe smiling back at me.  Where?  Everywhere.  Clouds.  Smudge marks.  Indecipherable lines on a table converging (as my cosmic eyes have sharpened) into a pleasant countenance.  The list is endless.  Not important.  Maybe the How or Why are.  The Reflection.  The Universe (God) is like a mirror, acknowledging, smiling back.  It was a little strange at first. I quickly became accustomed to it.  Even now in this moment as I write, I look over at my moldavite stone crystal and see a smile as plain as a sunny day.  Beautiful.