Hi there! I felt the need to highlight something that I glossed over / overlooked when I was writing my ReNewal (3) blog post. I was on my run this morning and doing as I do, I either reflect on the past, look forward to the future, and also enjoy the moment I am in (particularly breathing, Love It). So, I was reflecting on my 2013 “Awakening” / Shifting year and feeling the gratitude that encompasses it all. But I remembered a Crucial Key that I just breezed right over in that aforementioned blog post. There was something else in the background at that time and dawned on me this morning. I wrote how I was comfortable with the idea of giving up the “dream job” being a general’s aide in order to assist my incoming boss who was panicking that I was leaving, and he would be left to fend alone. There WAS something else. My Soul Sister was deployed to Afghanistan beginning the summer of 2012. It was strange being on the other end of sending letters and care packages as opposed to receiving them whilst downrange. She was always in the forefront of my mind in wishing her well, praying for her safe return. She was coming back at the end of July 2013 and was going to be on leave for quite a while. She had this amazing week planned where we would meet up in Las Vegas and really paint the town. There was one small problem with this plan though. When I got the job as the general’s aide, I would NOT be going on the dream vacation / reunion with my sister. I would be at a general’s beck and call. I knew she would be incredibly disappointed and so would have I, even double so as I am on the more empathic side picking up her disappointment on top of my own. Law of Attraction-wise…I know that deep deep down I would have wanted to see her again after being separated for more than a year rather than getting that dream job that I knew was mine. In the blog, ReNewal (3), I got the word that I didn’t get the position, felt the relief wash over me and an eagerness to Get to Work for my new boss………and put in my leave papers to go to Las Vegas to be with my sister. On the run this morning, I realized what my Heart truly wanted to do. Be together again with my best friend and see her with my own eyes knowing that she was back home. Safe and sound. She truly was the Crucial Key to get me to my REAL dream job in San Antonio later that year. Amazing!
Who wins in a battle? A battle against yourself? Well, hopefully yourSelf wins as opposed to yourself. On my morning run this morning I was reflecting on the past which I do not normally do. You know how thoughts are, sometimes coming out of no where like objects floating through outer space. I was reflecting on the darker side of the Law of Attraction and my own personal battle. I’ll keep to the wavetops and make as light as possible because there are moments during this dark year that I had which are extremely personal, extremely dark and have only shared it with my two closest friends / soul sisters. However, to the wavetops…
I went to Afghanistan and came home to find my wife of 10yrs had left me for someone else. I didn’t even know there was another person until four months after I got home. I just know those four months were bleak. All the while during this time my mother is back home in Ohio fighting stage IV colorectal cancer. My wife finally told me she wanted a divorce. Shocked. I was in shock. The type of personality I am and the way I opened myself up to two becoming One reallllllllllly devasted me. I was feeling despair. A few months later my mom passed away. Single mom who did the best she could raising a little boy on her own (with grandma 😊) moved on to the next stage of life. I was literally all alone. The impending divorce created what felt like a rift in my soul. A despair so deep that most of the time even breathing was a struggle. My mom’s passing was absolutely terrible. I became virtually nothing but a being who was dwelling in their own misery.
Not long after my mom passed away, I found out that our unit was going to deploy again in the fall but to Iraq, a new place. It was early spring at the time and when I found out I knew I had to get out. I wasn’t fit. My three-year obligation after commissioning was coming up in June. I started the paperwork and got out, but…I lingered. My wife was still in the area as a schoolteacher. I just couldn’t find a way to leave. The despair had me swirling around a circle in Fayetteville, NC.
Here it was in action. The Law of Attraction in the worst way that whole year. Always expecting something worse to happen and the worst happens…over and over again. Attracting more darker energy…
I became a homeless person. I had a car and a little bit of savings. I lived out of my car. Gas stations and baby wipes became a way of life for hygiene. I had a decent plan on sleeping in a safe place every night. The apartment complex I lived in before I got out was a gated community and we had a sticker in the windshield…a sticker that was never removed. This particular apartment complex had two others in the area that used the exact stickers. I rotated between the three locations each night for almost four months.
I couldn’t leave, I just couldn’t. Mentally I was stuck in a loop. Despair. Hope. Maybe she’ll come back to me. Maybe maybe maybe.
For some reason it seemed to make sense to go to bookstores and the library to hangout. Read. Catch cat naps. After a couple months it started to dawn on me some of the same people I was seeing at the same locations. Homeless vets. Backpacks. It was so bizarre and yet made some kind of weird sense. I was beginning to follow the migratory patterns of a homeless vet near Fort Bragg. I knew that eventually I would have to lose the car, grab a pack and join them.
TAP TAP TAP. I was woken up at 6am in one of the apartment complex parking lots. A female police officer was waking me up with her flashlight on my window. “Sir, someone has noticed that you have been sleeping in your car an awful lot around here…” I made up some kind of excuse about how my wife and I were having problems…not too far from the truth. “Well you can’t sleep in your car, sir…”
Finally. A catalyst to snap me out of it. A break in the vicious mental loop. Just enough to hear the Voice, “Go Home”. It was just enough time for that Voice to create an interruption and my resolve to end this came pouring out. This was a true test of my resiliency and whether or not I would actually Listen to the guidance being given to me. I really wanted to give in to the despair. To abandon my car and just become…Nothing. A shadow. That resiliency in my Soul brought me back. To Fight for my Life. To Live. To Shine.
A few months ago, I was guided to participate in a local Meetup. This Meetup’s focus was on gathering together to create a vision board. Utilizing the Law of Attraction, the vision board we create will help focus our intentions on becoming a reality. For myself, this gathering was more of “getting out there” and trying something new, plus meeting new like-minded (Law of Attraction) people. I really didn’t have anything in mind of what I wanted to attract into my life aside from what I already have. But fortunately, I was able to find just the right magazines to hone in on that. My Vision can be summed up straight down the center of the board where: My Vision Starts Here. Love Above All; Inside Joy (with a mirror next to it to reflect my Joy and continuously have that Joy reflected back to me); FAITH. After I had that I was pretty much done…except it just looked so empty on the sides. The side worked which intended to be just “window dressing” actually happened to fit in Just Right. Exactly what I needed.
It was slightly embarrassing towards the end when we went around the table to discuss what we came up with. Folks were looking to attract piles of money, romance, exotic vacations, beautiful homes etc, and then, me 😊. It wasn’t really embarrassing for me, but I could Feel some uncomfortable energy coming from others. I could Feel a little embarrassment of their (in their mind) selfish “wantings”. After feeling that unexpected energy, I felt a need to elaborate a little more. The feeling of internal Personal Happiness will by default, naturally Attract the things you want most out of life. I felt a little better after that. Lighter. The mood got less dense and hopefully I just created some Inspiration on another’s Journey.
Peace and Blessings!
And there It IS. Harmony. A True Balance of the aspects of Physicality, Mentality, Spirituality. To continually achieve Harmony, you have to what I call Tending Your Garden. Daily. Gardens need nurturing else they will not flourish. You give it water, fertilizer, pull the weeds. Pulling the weeds is vital unless you would like your garden overtaken. Hence, FREE Will. A choice that the Majority choose not to keep a prosperous garden. Oh they may take care to keep a beautiful body, but the soul is in despair and ugly things permeate the mind. Maybe great attention is given to soulful prayers with determined faith and conviction but…they care little for what they ingest into their body, their temple, and have let themselves go.
Feed and nourish ALL THREE ASPECTS DAILY and you will find Balance, Peace, and Harmony.
And here I sit contemplating at Canyon Lake Resort (4 Apr 14), The Deep Faith. I can Hear the Quiet watching. Always Watching. Non-interference. Just always waiting for…the Next, and the Next, and the Next. (There is a certain humor there that I am hesitant to discuss in the moment). This Quiet Always Stillness Presence just IS. No judgement. Just THERE. I know that it is the basis where the Voice manifests. I had come to refer to It (me) as my Higher-Self. And I know without question or doubt that this Awareness is Infinite. It is God. That aspect of God individualized in Me. Take a microscopic molecule of water from the vast ocean. The ocean is still there in that tiny spec, just individualized. My Spirit, my Soul, the tiniest molecule removed from the Infinite Vastness of Source, of God.
As Above, so below.
The same applies here as to the other two aspects (Body, Mind). Laying the Foundation, continue to build, creating newer and even stronger foundations. The daily reminder. Prayer – Meditation. You cannot fully live in the external 3-D world unless you live in, explore, and fully express The Great Within.
The Stillness within. The Serenity that is. I finally found mySelf about a year ago. Four months after The SHIFT. I had been feeling this Presence more and more profoundly. What is This? When finally, the Voice spoke up. This is Peace. I “knew” this Feeling. I remembered. It had been so long. Since I was a baby. The continuous distractions thrown at us forces us to forget as we struggle to “keep up” with the reality presented to us. Purifying my body, training my mind, allowed me to remember who I am. So, one day after having come to terms with the Stillness that was always there, lying in bed, I asked the question. THE QUESTION. Who Am I? The response came back with such profound depth and surety. I Am Good. The tears flowed immediately. It was something else that I forgot. I always knew I was good (as a little boy). I grew up and battled “the distractions”, the negatives. Amnesia followed. We have forgotten so much. Meditation is necessary. You need to allow time for your Self. Even if it is just allowing yourself to breathe. A daily connection to You. And Prayer. I am not religious. Spiritual. So, after several months of prayer and meditation I began to Feel something else stirring. When I asked about it the answer I received was…The Deep Faith.
The Canyon Lake Retreat – The Mind
Our “intellect” is what it is. So bio/socio it is. We think therefore We Are. So why not think the Best of Thought. I always knew I was so much more. The Voice in the back of my head nudging me forward…and the “Mind” holding me back. Fears and doubts…make for cloudy skies. We are so so so easily trained. TV does it daily with the Majority (programs/programming). I looked back 20yrs ago and found a distinct period where I was so easily trained. I Am a Marine. They are the best of the US military branches in that Mental aspect of shaping/growing Marines. Why couldn’t I do that to myself? To think only good and wholesome thoughts. As with the Body, I needed to establish a foundation. For me it was The Optimist Creed by Christian d. Larson from the book, Your Forces and How to Use Them. A daily repetition (three times a day to begin with for a couple of months) of these words had a profound effect on my Mental Conditioning. I had already (several years ago) removed TV but next removed reading news, social media outlets. Anything that had the potentiality to produce negative thought. Gone. All that remains (and Grows) is all that is Good. A year later and I decided to build (more). Lumosity. Brain games. Still a work in progress as we continue to lay stronger and yet STRONGER Foundations.
Thinking without Feeling. Feeling without Thinking. Letting. Allowing. Being. And without further drama, plus the effects, we Move On and Up.