ReNewal (1)

It has been almost six years since I have begun to live my life more experientially. Living with purpose. Living to live more. What a fantastic journey it has been. Every moment leading to the next until I am always Here in this Moment. I felt guided for a change of venue in my life and to look at the past as I push onward into the future. I’d like to talk about synchronicity and peeling back the layers of Self to a truer identity that dwells beneath it all. That which is behind all of us; that Higher Self, our Soul, whatever label you want to put onto that energy. It’s there guiding us if we are willing to listen with an open heart.

In 2011, I came back from a three-year tour in Germany (minus one in Iraq during that time), but it wasn’t just me coming back. I had an inconvenient friend as well. A titanium plate and eight screws in my left, not so funny, humerus. Being on a limited duty status for a while will tend to let yourself “go”. Physically/mentally whatnot. I did make a discovery though while back home…Netflix, and on there I found, The Secret; which as everyone knows is the Law of Attraction. Really put my life into perspective! I was looking at my life in a new light now and for the better part of a year, every night, I would fall asleep to The Secret, and if I woke up in the middle of the night I would put it back on. I can recall the point virtually where I would fall asleep shortly thereafter when Mike Dooley would say, “Thoughts…become…things…”, as he would enunciate this by using his fingers to drive the point home. Towards the end of 2012 I really thought I had a handle on the Law of Attraction and what it meant to me. I had no clue. I was in command at the time (battery commander for basic training at Fort Sill) and was selected to interview for a second command. I was All In for that. Instead I had no idea that the brigade commander secretly had another plan for me. Brigade Operations. He really needed help there on staff, so instead of getting my second command, I am back to the grindstone again.

I mean it was fine though. Gainfully employed, plus there is kind of a relief you get coming out of a command position where the weight of the world is lifted a bit. The weight of responsibility. I’m working on staff in operations for a couple months when one day my boss (an Army major) says to me, ”Ben, it’s just me and you up here!”, even though we had a few civilians and Soldiers, he didn’t feel confident in their skill sets. This is where I started to make a shift in my mental dynamics. To become Better for “him”. He needed me to be more and so I completely cut out drinking. I didn’t drink every day, but probably too much on the weekends that really had me off balance for the first part of the week. I needed to be better than that. This was in December 2012 and already had some thoughts about the upcoming year. Like eating more organic and starting to get back to a regular fitness regimen. Well January 2013 came and I started to do exactly that. After one week of it, my new First Sergeant came to my office to inform me that since I was no longer on a temporary profile for my arm (I had made it a permanent profile) that I was eligible for a PT test. I was like, hmmmm great, I just started a new routine and I have an Army Physical Fitness Test in two weeks. I passed. Bare minimum. The problem laid in the next phase of that morning…the weigh-in. Turns out that I was 20lbs over my max weight in the Army for my height and age. So when you are over, they tape you. It’s a fairly humiliating experience where you go into the First Sergeants (1SG) office and remove your shirt while another noncommissioned officer starts the measurements and 1SG writes them down. In my mind, I was……MORTIFIED. A captain in the Army. Gut hanging out, listening to measurements, and inside my mind I am just screaming out loud to absolutely no one/no thing and yet……I was.  All of the sudden in those brief seconds as this was all taking place, I felt this stillness, this calm wash over me, and I heard this Voice say, “Are you ready to listen to me now?”, and it was in that moment when I mentally said, “Yes”, that I surrendered to my SELF. My Higher-Self. Right after that YES I started to receive instructions. You need to become a vegetarian. I’m like, “Yes, absolutely, I’m all yours.”  To the 1SG, as I was walking out, I said, “Can I come and see you in one month for a weigh-in?” He told me I sure could, and in one month I was one pound under my max weight. Otherwise I would have been flagged for being overweight and not looking so good for me and the home team for future promotion (or EMPLOYMENT). So it went, I received instructions and then I implemented them.  Meditate. Pray. Recite positive affirmations Out Loud, not just read them silently to the space and void that is in your mind, but sending out a verbal vibrational frequency that is felt from the words you say and received back with the ears you hear with. 

A long and short message to this point in time takes me back to Dec 2012 when I was incorrectly trying to be “better” for someone else, my boss. The lesson to me was that I needed to become a better version of Me. The Shift had begun.

Spiral Staircases

It came to me this morning.  This beautiful image of a never-ending spiral staircase.  My energy continues up step by step.  I keep changing as I climb and am looking forward to these next steps as they quickly approach yet seemingly an eternity stretches as my foot moves.  There is no rush.

I have been climbing for a while.  We all have.  I went from an enlisted Marine, to Army officer (retired), to a Guest Services Topgolf associate, to……..Spider-Man Cowboy.  OR basically, whoever I want to be.  Everything I have envisioned and held onto became my reality and my reality now is that I reached a point where I can literally do whatever I want and be unconcerned about finances.  EXACTLY how I envisioned.  The question now is, “Who do I become?”.  I started a meetup for people who want to gather together and learn how to roller skate.  I feel like this is more a warmup, a precursor to a New Phase.

My inner guidance system, the Voice in my head, is telling me to write again.  To share and to most of all…Help.

My earliest years I remember helping were at the Jo-Ann Fabric’s store in sleepy Warren, Ohio.  I was not there by choice haha.  My mom, the seamstress and home economics teacher, would always bring me.  I put myself to work there by opening the front entrance door for all the ladies coming and going.  So from an early age I had good practice.

Apparently, I need to come back to Live in the Light and continue Living in the Light and write.  Previously I had been focused on posting about high vibrational living, life of an empath, The Shift etc etc.  I never wrote about, “How I got there”.  How I used the Law of Attraction to manifest.  How I realized that the Law of Attraction was a stepping stone to something much much bigger.  Infinitely bigger you might say.

And so we begin…a series of monthly entries that led me from Oklahoma, to Texas, to Kansas, to South Korea, and back to Texas…….Present Day.

Be safe my friends!

Infinite Shades of Blue

What a great privilege it has been this past year in opening up.  After this month, a new chapter begins in my life and new Doors to be Opened.  I wasn’t sure how I was going to close this moment out but I recently heard someone joking about the movie flop of 50 Shades of Grey.   I knew I wanted to discuss a little about Infinity and the Blue (Energy).  For the past couple of months I have had 616 on the brain and didn’t know why until now.  Instead of the 20th of the month, this blog ends on the 16th.  Who knows with these things.

In 1992, shortly after I joined the Marines, I got my first tattoo.  The other guys I went with were out of their mind gung-ho oorah and wanting everything from a big giant eagle, globe, and anchor, to an M16 toting Tasmanian Devil with USMC written underneath.  I just wasn’t feeling it.  It needed to mean something…More.  Something discrete.  There it was.  The yin-yang.  The size of a quarter placed on my left shoulder.  What I had no idea was that in doing that, I sent myself on a path of trying to achieve balance for the next 20 years.  Never quite getting there.  One step forward.  Three steps back.  In 2013, I finally achieved it.  Balance.  To make a long story shorter, after eight months another Shift happened.  It was like a drumbeat in my head.  No matter what, I couldn’t shake it.  The Infinity symbol.  I Knew I had to put it on me.  I just didn’t know why and why it had to be a particular shade of blue…a blending of blues…not quite teal, not quite aquamarine……Something Bluish.  I knew it was going to compliment the yin-yang on my left shoulder by going on my right.  I’m not much of a tattoo guy as I’m more partial to the Richie Cunningham side of life so I figured I would just go to the mall to get it done.  I went and they were packed, so I strolled over to my magical synchronistic store, Romancing the Stone (I think I mentioned in the Jane blog).  One of the regular girls that worked there came walking up right away with a big smile, greeted me, and was like, Guess what!?!, I got a new tattoo!  Pointed down to her foot…the infinity symbol with the word love in it.  I laughed and pulled the picture out of my pocket of the tattoo likeness I was looking to get for myself.  It was her turn to laugh.  I never mentioned anything about getting an infinity tattoo before.  The other girl working there came over as well and filled her in on the “synchronistic moment”.  She asked me where I was going to get it done and when I said here at the mall she adamantly shook her head No.  She has a lot of tats.  She told me to go to Shine On and ask for Frank.  I did.  He began to apply the blue and said he was adding his own blue touch to it…I was like…Perfect.  I felt as though the Universe was working through him for exactly what I needed.

It was five months ago when it really fully hit me.  The Resonance.  I wrote that several months ago about the seemingly magical effect on water with verbal affirmations, music, and written words.  It was five months ago that I had to visit a Soldier in the hospital who had been diagnosed with Lymphoma.  I only had a few minutes with him in that initial encounter but I saw something that gave me one of my biggest Aha Moments in a while.  He raised his left arm to grab something and I saw his tattoo.  Inside of the left bicep, one word.  HATE.  Fat letters, and the deepest black color you can imagine.  Fresh.  Brand new.  19 years old and did not make it through his 7th week of basic training.  This cancer apparently came very fast, virtually out of nowhere.  The Aha Moment rang through though.  Immediately.

Messages to Water.  Us.  Symbols and words placed on our water sac bodies.  The body’s response.  My struggle for balance for 20yrs until I finally Pushed Through.  The profound Infinite Balance in my Life.  The Messages I gave to the Physical Body and the Body responding in kind to those symbols.

The cancer ravaging a young man’s body after sending the message of hate coursing through him.  How else could the body respond to something so vile, so ugly…How else?

Why Blue.  We’ll make that a statement and not a question.  It’s funny.  I actually cannot be too specific on that.  Even though I have Opened Up here in this Safe Haven forum of words, there are some things that I need to keep close to the vest.  I can say that the Blue is a part of Me.  Surrounds me.  Works with and through me.  Infinitely.

Someday.  Someday when this mortal shell fades away…My Eyes Will Open Once Again.

Live in the Light, My Friends.

BenGi, a Guardian

Ebra Kidbara

Mirrors

22 April Update:  Huh.  Weird.  Generally I never update anything and rarely do the hindsight thing.  Apparently, Just For Today, I am doing just that.  It occurred to me on the run this morning to make this update.  To express the Idea that this IS possible if you can clean the gunk off your Mirror.  Not just clean the gunk off, but more…Polish the Mirror.  Polish it so fresh, so shiny, that you can finally see You and All Possibilities of You.

Polish your Mirror, my Friend.  22 April Update Complete___________________

Almost a year ago I had a Feeling.  A feeling that every choice I make is the right one.  No matter if it even has the appearance of a poor choice.  Something started to form in my Mind and Heart that the choices I was making (from now on) were for the Highest Possible Good.  I mean…after the Shift, I felt the whole Mirroring Effect of what I send out Energetically comes right back to me.  Basic Law of Attraction physics stuff.  To put it plainly, good thoughts reflect back good things coming into your life as well as the reverse effect as well.  I’m going to try and get this out of me the best I can and hopefully make sane enough sense for the apparent crazy notion.

The Thoughts and Feelings came to me about the Infinite possible futures that lay ahead of me.  Every one of those possible futures depending upon every single action I create in the present moment.  It’s almost as if the Present Version of Me is continuously sending out a signal and I am continuously receiving reflections from all the possible future outcomes and as I am in tune with my Higher-Self, am able to discern which choice I should make…….without thought, or rather over-thinking, just a DO-ing.  So the present Me, the one living in Harmony with Self, is out to create the best possible future for not just me, but for All Beings.  Everyone and Everything.

So art really is not my forte.  I drew the cover photo on my office white board when the Idea/Feeling was building a year ago.  It’s a really vague depiction.  My apologies for any who are so inclined to care at the gravity of my poor imagery.  One thing (an infinite thing, hah), is that you only see the One possible hallway of mirrors so to speak as opposed to the infinite possible number of mirrors which would be incredibly difficult considering my artistic skill level.  Another is that I break it down to one day, one week, one month, three months, etcetera.  In Reality it would be a reflection of every instant from every possible future reflecting back to me and up to me to choose…without thinking.  I know.  Crazy.  How to make sense of something like that.  A statement.  Not a question.  You don’t.  You can’t.  Just Do.  And Know with Full Faith and Confidence that all you do is for the Highest Good in the Universe as long as you are living in Harmony with your Highest-Self.

Tending My Garden

Ok I admit it.  I use analogies way too much.  However, this was truly the first that I used.  The Garden.  I am the Garden.  Five months into the Shift, May 2013, this became the first analogy.  Through my Inner Journey I had found the Optimist Creed by Christian D. Larson, which eventually led me to his book in which the Optimist Creed begins with, Your Forces and How to Use Them.  Then as I began to continue my tumble down the rabbit hole, a whole world/Universe of Christian D. Larson began to manifest in my life, namely The Pathway of Roses (among many others now).  That book took me to a place I was not expecting, and as I have found over and over again, things in life just unfold and blossom as they were intended to.  In my Mind, Body, and Spirit, I became like a flower garden where the sun is always shining.  It just needed tending to.  Not every now and then.  DAILY.  It is so important (for me, and would like to think for everyone) to start each day off perfectly.  Wake up with a smile and grateful to start anew.  And in the spirit of keeping the perfect morning going, I had to tend my Garden daily.  What do you do for a garden.  Give it plenty of water (preferably not tap or bottled), enrich the soil with just the right nutrients, plenty of sunshine, talk to it/give it Love, and oh so so important… to pull the weeds.  Daily.  For me this is starting the day with expressions of Gratitude to the Universe/God.  Prayer, affirmations, prayer, meditation.  You have to pull the weeds EVERY DAY.  They will creep back in and grow before you know it.  So I will open myself up a little more than I usually do and put down here my beginning prayer that I say every morning from The Pathway of Roses: To live always in the Secret Places of the Most High. To think only those thoughts that are inspired from above, To do all things in the conviction that God is with us, To give the best to all the world with no thought of reward. To leave all recompense to Him who doeth all things well. To love everybody as God loves us, and be Kind as He is Kind, To ask God for everything and in faith expect everything, To live in perpetual gratitude to Him who gives everything. To love God so much that we can inwardly feel that My Father and I are one. This is the prayer without ceasing, the true worship of the soul. I guess it’s fitting that I started publishing only on the 20th of each month and this 20th happens to coincidentally fall on the Spring Equinox.  Lots of crazy cool energy out there my friends.  Be safe, think positive.  Always.

Jane

So I would like to introduce……….Jane…and how I came to believe in the whole psychic/medium world as a Fact and not a foo foo. Back in May 2013, I am doing my “work” (allowing the Universe to guide me) for the weekend and go to the mall at this one hippie type store, Romancing the Stone (lotsa stories and synchronicities here at this place, but will stick to Jane).  So I end up getting this really cool salt stone lamp, and they are buy one get another 50% off type deal.  The “other” does not have to be the same item but similar in price.  So it didn’t take me long and grabbed this GIANT painting of an ocean wave (Japanese).  I was like there is no way this is going in my place (I already had all the walls filled with paintings etc) and the Voice (in my head), GET IT.  So I got it.  Went to see my masseuse for some healing hands after leaving the mall and she was talking and talking and mentioned something about a local psychic/medium who did this group session and how she (this lady) singled out a friend of hers who was not even supposed to be there but happened to show up etc.  The Voice was like, Yes you must explore this.  I was like……….Ok.  So I asked her about the psychic, and she couldn’t remember her name but she had friended her FB page and we would check it after the session.  We both forgot.  Later that night when I remembered, I did a search and this lady, Jane, was the only one that stood out in my local area (small city).  Didn’t want to go any kind of FB route (done with FB) but she had a website as well.  I sent her an email and found she wrote me back when I awoke the next morning, Sunday.  After my Sunday morning “work” (prayer, meditation, affirmation/juicing/backwards planning my meals for the week) was done, I called her.  Ended up going to see her THAT day at 6pm.  I knew I would.  So I had this thought in my head after I got off the phone with her.  If she says something about this one thing that NO ONE knows about that I kept to myself then she is the REAL DEAL.  So I get to her place and she apologized as she just moved in.  Like literally a couple days ago.  So we start talking and hitting things off on a positive note. I had no idea why I was really there, just going with the Flow, and I explained what had been happening to me (the Shift etc).  So we are just going to do this tarot card reading and see where we end up, and then IT HAPPENED.  She looks up and says, “What’s wrong with your knee?”.  I started laughing, my mind was glowing pleasant flames, and pointed at her and said, “Oh yeah, You’re Good” haha.  My knee has (HAD!) been injured since the Army Marathon a month prior, I told her.  I just never made a big deal out of it.  I was Mr Positive now.  Keeping my runs to not much over three miles worked out well, but going over that, I can experience what would be something that was not pleasant, but it went away as soon as I stopped running.  She told me that it wasn’t my pain and to “let it go”.  She first mentioned very briefly at that time about being an empath but I just didn’t really let it sink in.  So I told myself though…not my pain.  Got it.  By next Saturday, on what used to be my long run, my knee was……….Healed.  I just didn’t know it yet.  The Voice said run farther.  I did.  I was Fine.  Mind blown.  Not done though.  She identified a few other significant things but this is already going to be a book enough, best to hit the highlights.  I spoke of my triathlon training and how swimming was my hardest event [My Arm] and then she spoke about how much she LOVED the water and had this affinity for the ocean and it was here where I started to feel a stirring.  I was intrigued and she gave me her business card (ocean waves) and I was like ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh……an Aha moment………”I have something that belongs to you, and by the look of things, you are starting off with a clean slate…”  Her walls were bare.  So I told her about the painting, and later that night I emailed her a pic of it.  She didn’t know what to say.  I think she did, but she was holding back haha.  You CANNOT PLAN on something like that!  I got that painting BEFORE I even knew that my Higher Self was going to direct me to her with my masseuse convo!  You know?  So back to a little more psychic-ness.  In the tarot reading, she saw a dark haired woman with her head slightly turned, it was a powerful image she said.  The tarot card was a beautiful angel but I forget the word that was on it.  And for myself, I am trying to take it all in.  And then something hit me.  The painting in my bedroom above my bed.  The one that struck me so many months ago and I didn’t know what to do with it until the Shift in my life took place.  I showed it to her but it didn’t strike any bells.  Later on, after we were finished, I was getting ready to leave and something made me want to show her a picture of my grandmother.  She had mentioned THEM earlier when I first arrived, but we were not doing a “medium” reading.  They came in shortly after me, and asked me, who the ladies were?  My mom and grandma I told her…..Wow………she said my grandmother has a very powerful presence, not to take away from my mom’s power and love, BUT she IS my mom’s mom haha.  I felt compelled to SHOW her this pic that I took weeks earlier (on my phone) of her high school graduation picture.  And then it ALL started to make sense…  She looks at me and says, that’s her!  The woman that was slightly looking away she saw earlier.  And then the Voice was like look at your bedroom again (my picture on my phone)……….  In that moment, I realized that the way the painting was, the location of it in my room…it wasn’t a picture of a beautiful woman looking away, it is a picture of a Beautiful Woman watching over me.  My Grandmother.  On my way driving home leaving Jane’s, I had an Experience.  We’ll leave it at that.  Goes beyond description typing will allow.  I was not done with Jane though.  I made an appointment to come back, for one, to deliver a painting that didn’t belong to me, and another as I was curious about a couple things…My mom and grandma.  Before this psychic reading, I had a picture blown up in a frame in my office of my grandma, and I would stare at her, into her eyes and think how cool she looked, and what was going on with her then, she must have had dreams for the future.  I mean not to make light of the life she made, marriage and kids, but staring at the girl who graduated high school.  Her Dreams………My mom.  I always knew there was something WRONG between her and my uncle (her only brother).  Something HAPPENED, and I never knew what.  These are the types of things I was looking for from Jane and found.  I didn’t even have to ask the questions to Jane.  She started for me.  Ruth, my grandma, wanted to be a dancer, like classical dancing…ballet.  She just was living in the wrong time and place.  Never regretted her life though, loved her husband, her family.  Jean, my mom, had what I can imagine a terrifying experience as a young girl.  My uncle and his friend sneaking into her room at night.  Stressed she was not raped, but more than likely touched inappropriately.  In the moment of the reading I got the feeling we were not talking about just a one-time incident but the FEELING was this happened probably several times.  Did not want me to be mad at him.  So.  Now I know.  I also Know that they are with me and when I used to “joke” about always being good because my grandma and mom were watching over my shoulder………………..it was not a joke after all. I went to Las Vegas for the first time in August 2013 with my best friend, O (Army Captain who just came home from her second deployment), virtually my only friend, and Soul Sister.  Six years now since we became friends in Germany and the friendship/bond continues.  So Vegas……….a LOT DID HAPPEN there BUT this was on the plane ride back.  I met someone.  A Connection was made (LONG story there).  The next day I was………..a wreck of sorts.  SOMETHING happened.  I was in this constant state of euphoria and sadness.  I couldn’t shake it!!!  So happy!  So sad!!!!!  At the same time!  After Vegas I flew to Georgia where O is stationed and I just couldn’t snap out of it.  She had never seen me like this before.  Heck!  I had never seen me like this!  Why am I feeling this!!?!?!  I had all kinds of thoughts and notions, which the core of it was…Did I meet my Soul Mate?!?!  Later that night the Voice said It’s OK, you will feel better tomorrow, and I did, still with strong lingering effects of………whatever that was.  We were walking down a street in Savanna when we saw a psychic/medium store and she was like, “Dude, let’s go in!  You’re into that sh*t!”  By this point in time, O knew everything that had been happening to me.  I was UNEASY about going in to see another psychic, and was like…”Maybe…..let’s walk more and we’ll see on our way back…”.  A little further down the road I get a text……..from JANE!  I’m like, “What the hell?!?!?”.  She NEVER texted me before.  She wanted me to know that she was going to be out of town and if I needed a reading it would have to be tomorrow………..Ok Jane.  You’re SPOOKY, I got you haha.  We did not go back.  I got home and sent her (Jane) an email, did not say anything about my experience.  I knew that I needed to see her though.  It was a couple weeks later that I finally got her.  I waited for it.  SHE brought up the girl in question.  She said, did you meet a woman recently?  Inside I am smiling, she is so good.  Yes, I did.  DO NOT TRUST HER.  I’m like, say what?  She has mental problems.  Like severe depression type of stuff.  And then………..I told her the story.  She just looked at me and gave me that Duh, you didn’t know(?) type expression and said very plainly, matter of fact(ly)…you’re an Empath, and your Third Eye….is Open.  Be careful etc etc.  So my mind is trying to digest this…I’m an empath (didn’t she tell me this before?).  Like I had an idea about an empath…feeling other people’s emotions and feelings, putting yourself in their place etc etc, plus a form of strong intuition that goes along with this gift.  So that CONNECTION I made with this girl really kicked in on the plane when she mentioned something to me that really garnered my FULL attention.  She told me about her twin sister who had died when she was 18.  20yrs ago.  And days away from the anniversary of her death.  She didn’t get to the HOW, and I didn’t press, but she felt a LOT of guilt about her death.  So…………the Connection.  Contact Made.  It wasn’t me.  It was her.  I took it in.  Those feelings……….unbelievable.   We were emailing/texting/a couple of phone calls for a while, just over a couple months, and eventually I told her what Jane said to me.  Her very first words were, “That bitch!”  I was stunned and then she laughed it off.  She admitted to me though that she was on medication for manic depressive…I was like, in my mind, Wow, makes sense then.  Eventually I let it go and let her go.  I do remember the point of contact on the airplane and had to refrain from expressing any type of surprise when I saw IT, but when I was staring at her it was like water and then a ripple effect or something that I called the warble effect around her face (just in front of?).  This warbling was by far one of the most bizarre things I had ever encountered. Eventually I moved to Texas, far and away from Jane, but it didn’t end.  Eventually we ended up doing some Skype sessions which were really cool.  Each time we did it, we would have a “visitor” try and speak through the microphone.  Could never make out what they were trying to say.  You know?  That white noise stuff?  Weird.  Anyway, there was one fundamental thing that Jane could not fully do, or more rather on a limited scope.  She really couldn’t tell me my future.  Some things she was a lock on, like Vegas (immediate future).  I do remember in a session she said, “Are you going on a trip next week where you might win a lot of money?”.  Bam.  On it, Jane.  She told me that I was going to win, but she really couldn’t say WHAT I would win………….So it’s been a while after that trip.  Did I win?  Yes.  I won Awareness, or rather, More Awareness of Who I Am.  I remember reading or watching a youtube clip and something about psychics really do not like to try and predict the future as it seems to have a way of…changing.  Like when we were Skyping almost one year ago this month for the first time since I had left and she said, “Oh!  You’re thinking about getting a kitten!”  All over it, Jane!  Yes!  I even had a kitten calendar to plant the seed further, BUT I was just waiting for more signs, and the kitten never entered my life.  The main thing with Jane was that she was able to tell me about things that recently happened to me, within a week, a couple days, or was currently in progress of happening, and then the sometimes the “what will happen” if it was a fixed event that was immutable(?) or unlikely to change…….in the very near future. So now I’m going to end this way too long and over the top blog entry with something that just happened this past weekend.  Something ALWAYS happens in my life these days, some weirder than others, but this one was a bit strange………and nothing to do with the subject title of “Jane” haha.  You know……..this blog entry was supposed to be easy!  I was going to write some stuff about Proactive living as opposed to Reactive……..but then I was guided to do this impromptu Jane bit…….and my bit. I had my alarm set for 0313 this past Sunday (I was in bed by 7 Sat night haha ) and it went off just fine, but I had this really incredible dream that I was just lying there trying to figure out what happened…My head ached.  Not A “headache” but the left front part of my brain just was like I dunno like a dull thud…..now the Voice in my head was like **yaaawn**, You know what’s going to happen if you just lay here trying to go over your dream….your gonna fall asleep, BUT I was like, Yes, I know, and if I do then I am sure I will wake up soon…I was getting close, it was like almost an “Aha” and “No Sh*t” moment…….BUT THEN three minutes later (0316)!  ***ring ring!!!***  Did I fall asleep?  My phone?  Ringing?  A late night prankster?  No!  My First Sergeant!  I THINK I may have dosed off a little and felt like I was so close to figuring something out but I instantly woke up completely (MUST be an EMERGENCY! Soldier in the hospital, SOMETHING!) and forgot about trying to go over the dream immediately………. Me: Yes!?!?  1SG!?!  My alarm just went off right before you called, what a “coincidence”!  (I could hear some rustling noise, some mumbling voice…) 1SG!?!  1SG!?!?!?  Is everything Ok?!? 1SG:  (groggy voice) Sir?  I think I must have accidently ghost dialed you……..(very groggy) Me: (excited because he wasn’t calling because of a Soldier being hurt!)    1SG!  This is perfect timing!  Look, put me on speaker phone and we can start one of my Super Soul Sundays together! He laughed, mumbled he would see me on Tuesday (Holiday Monday).  Accidently ghost dialed me?  Really.   You know I have long left the idea of chance, coincidence, and accidents far behind.  They do not exist in my world.  Soooooooooo somehow, the Universe found a way to not only get my ass up and moving but………….I had completely forgotten that dream.  I cannot remember one tiny part of it, and it was a DOOZY.  I was however left with this dull achey head throb for several hours afterward though. So I remembered to bring it up at work on Tuesday and he laughed.  “Crazy, sir!”  I’m like yeah crazy.  So explain to me how you managed to enter your four digit passcode and accidently ghost dial me.  Two phones sitting on his night stand.  Gov’t IPhone and his personal IPhone………reached over in his sleep, punched in his code, called me until he could hear me shouting on the other end where he started to “snap out of it”.  He has no idea. Crazy?  Interesting.  Something happened Saturday night/Sunday morning in my dream world and even as I type this I remember what the Voice said earlier in the week……..Forget about it. It’s almost like, someone was whispering to 1SG to call me, sleep makes us very susceptible to the power of suggestion………interesting stuff.  Anyway, yeah I know, crazy, why are you getting up at three in the morning on Sunday?  Yeah.  Hah.  Actually?  That is “sleeping in” on the weekends for me…by two hours haha. So!  My apologies for this out of the ordinary entry!  For whatever reason in the Universe, I am dropping this pebble and creating a ripple effect……..as in All Things We Do.  I’ll probably go the route of how I tend my Garden next time (which is Me).  Only four more entries left and then……….We move on 😉

Jag

It’s truly amazing how well people take care of their cars.  I used to
really care of mine as well.  Wash’er up at least once or twice a month, put
that shine on, show’er off.  Now I just cruise around in my scuffed up
silver Focus.  I like how it’s scuffed up.  After the Shift, the Focus had
an unfortunate incident where one of my neighbors must have decided that
backing up into my left (driver’s) side rear fender/bumper area was a good
idea.  Got her pretty good.  Instead of getting mad, I went another way.  I
decided to like it.  It was like me now.  Focused and scuffed up.  The Shift
had focused me, life had scarred me.  Long story, unnecessary here but my
left upper arm looks like I may have been bit by a shark (with some retained
titanium hardware to boot hah).  So for the past couple years I had thought
of myself and my car as reflections of one another (of sorts).  A couple
months ago I was thinking about THE main vehicle though.  Me.  I Drive Me.
Through the Shift I took the necessary steps to come into harmony with my
three aspects of Self.  I ingest only the most effective and efficient
Superfoods.  I take him on long drives (running) and conduct other levels of
vehicle maintenance and conditioning (strength training).  The computer
systems gets regular calibration tweaks (Lumosity, binaural beats,
affirmations).  The best thing I like most about my vehicle is.I love him.
Taking my time, waxing the surface, it is so clear that I see something
tremendously fundamental.  I see Me.  I see me looking at Me (daily
meditation).
So one early morning waking up for work (around 0115ish), I heard the Voice.
He (Me) said, you (I) are (am) a Jaguar.  In general as it is I have a
cat-like personality.  I believe it was picked up by the cat I had in my
early developing years and as an empath, I may have taken on some of those
traits, but anyway, neither here nor there in this instance.  I received the
word, the word was I Am the Jaguar.  Not the cat.  The car (the body
vehicle) that I drive.  Later at work I found a picture online that I
printed out to have on the wall to remind myself that I am the Jaguar.  It
was silver and a convertible, very sleek.  I think it may have lasted a
couple days on the wall until I was reading about something and saw “black
jaguar”, knew in an instant I needed to change the picture.  As I am typing
this out (I love how the Universe continuously unveils things before me), I
just realized something.  The cat that I grew up with that had such a
profound effect on me from early childhood, George.  She was an all-black
cat.  I Am the Jaguar, and my engine purrs.