Unidentified

Hi!  Now that I have completed my previous journey in Canyon Lake, Texas (back in 2014), I thought I would venture back to the present, or rather be IN the present and write about the past.  Thank you so much for those that read and liked some of my “chapters” from that stream of consciousness while on retreat.  I can say that a lot can change in five years since I wrote that down.  My connection to God is, well, it’s awesome.  Many other things.  In this moment though, I can’t help but recalling events from my life that transpired many years ago.  Probably one of my least spoken about topics my whole life.  I remember even as a kid and then later as a little older teenager that it just kind of seemed taboo to talk about.  Like…who would believe you, right?

1981, I was 11 years old.  My best friend Jim, and I were playing outside, in Warren, Ohio, when one of us caught sight of something in the sky (can’t remember if it was him or me or both at the same time).  A silver disc shaped object shimmering up in the sky just sitting there and then *poof* it was gone in a flash.  We were blown away.  I mean the excitement was incredible, we know what we saw!  We ran to Jim’s house, burst into the kitchen, yelling frantically to his mom.  I do recall she took us seriously to the point where she called the Youngstown Air Base to see if she could get any information.  Nothing.  No reports in the local news.  Nada.  I remember the steam eventually leaving us and was just “one of those things” left in the past…….four years later…(the featured image looks pretty darn close to what we saw)

August 1985, the Perseid annual meteor shower.  15 years old now and brave enough to make ventures out my window on the second floor, shimmy up a narrow vertical incline to a fairly flat rooftop of my house.  For some reason Jim and I had decided to get front row seats to the meteor shower up on my roof.  It was very exciting to the point that we decided to make log entries into a notebook.  Time, direction (east to west, north to south), and type.  There were two distinctive types.  Falling stars and shooting stars.  We were up there for hours staring at the heavens just waiting for the next one, but then we discovered something else.  Anomalous objects.  So, this is 1985, not a whole lot up in our orbit like nowadays, but nevertheless there were satellites to be sure.  I remember we were very sure actually that what we were seeing were satellites, however, I believe it wasn’t long before we changed our point of view.  So, for example it would look like this bright (or barely glowing) tiny orb just making its way across the sky.  Then finally something happened.  One of the objects we were watching for a minute or so make its way a considerable distance across the sky…stopped.  I remember saying to Jim, “Did it stop?”, and he was like, “I think I still see it just sitting there.”  Which I was as well until it started moving again…in the direction it was originally coming from.  That is how it was for a few days.  We would not only track shooting and falling stars, but these other unknowns that would make random stops and course corrections.  Satellites do not do that!  We just kept that whole time to ourselves and I want to say that notebook pretty much made its way into some garbage heap after I left for the Marines in 1992.

The thing is though…I cannot remember the exact time I / We stopped going up there.  I have a memory of a dream from back then and all I recall is that it was a dream, but I want to say after 2013 it felt like it could be more.  I was on my roof staring out to the nighttime horizon with a massive cigar shaped object out there just sitting.  I was by myself, no Jim.  That’s it though.  Just standing and staring.  I don’t remember waking up from a dream.  I don’t know.  

The closest I came to seeing anything else semi-mind-blowing was sometime in 2015, San Antonio, Texas.  I was coming home from the store and looked up in the sky to my left, driver’s side, and saw some really bizarre looking chemtrail type clouds, drove a little more to the stop sign ahead and stopped, got a better look, and WTF???  Some sort of amorphous pinkish/bluish glowing object  (kind of like a diamond).  Instead of jumping out of my car and get pics and video (like I should have in the modern age!), I was like, jump in the car, make a right, another quick right and I am home in my apartment parking lot…within a minute!  It was Gone.  I was not too happy with myself at the moment, but then just let it go.  Oh well,  “One of those things.”

In this present moment, I must keep an open mind about the Life that is out there in the Universe.  I just can’t help but be amazed.  Look at just our beautiful blue and green gem we live on.  There are almost NINE MILLION individual types of lifeforms just on our planet alone.  Plants, insects…you get the idea.  That is a staggering number of lifeforms on just one tiny little blue ball floating in the vastness of space.  How could other lifeforms not exist…it takes my breath away in awe.

Canyon Lake Retreat – Captain Incoming Message and So Long (the conclusion)

The humor I mentioned much earlier…Well…It’s funny.  A year ago, in May (2013 as this retreat was in 2014), I was on the early morning run, somewhere between 0430-0500, running down Flower Mound Rd in Lawton, OK when all of the sudden the Voice in my head said, “STOP.”  I did.  “Turn around.”  I did.  “Look up.” I did and saw the vastness of space, and the stars and…what the…?  A star flashed brightly.  Perplexed I started to turn around, but I looked again, FLASH <again!>.  Incredible.  I was astonished but felt good, safe.  I was about to start running but had this thought.  I have some kind of star map app on my phone.  Held it up and gave the star that flashed a name.  Alderamin.  Never heard of it.  Anyway, this all doesn’t sound all that funny but a couple weeks later, about the same time of the morning, different road, the Voice said, “STOP, look up…”  I’m like, OK?  I see stars!  That’s it?  When all of the sudden over my headphones I hear, “CAPTAIN, INCOMING MESSAGE!” (Mr. Worf from Star Trek, incoming text/email sound byte).  And then what I felt/heard…Laughter.  Like someone was playing a cosmic prank on me!  Funny.  (There is a lot of them but just hitting a couple of the biggies)  A few months later at my friend/soul sister’s apartment just after the whole Beth Episode (maybe some other day) and was walking from her bathroom back to the living room (barefoot), thinking about Beth, a strange quirky smile and this indescribable FEELING and…SPLAT.  Walked right onto Sushi or Snoopy’s dog poo.  Heard the Laughter again.  There IS this playful sense of humor in the Universe which has fun with us all the time and when you are tuned in, you can laugh too 😀

So Long…

There is never goodbye.  Just till the next moment.  My Moment at Canyon Lake is moving into the next moment.  It was Quiet.  It was Fun.  I Am Here to Have Fun.  BUT.  I am also here to Help.  A kind word here and there.  Ernest advice.  An ear to Listen.  A Smile…Infinitely  

Canyon Lake Retreat – The Heart Grows Fonder

That thing that beats in your chest.  The thing that generates 5,000 times more electromagnetic energy than the brain.  The first organ to manifest into existence.  The Heart.  Sends more commands to the brain than vice versa.  We had it wrong.  The heart of the matter IS the Heart.  As humans, we are feeling creatures.  The feelings generate in the heart, communicated to the brain which translates into…thought.  Go figure.  The only problem has been that EGOic part which thinks it’s in control.  Thinks it knows what’s going on.  Has no clue and is very Very VERY small.  The part of the mind that makes a good run at Edging God Out.  I can’t take credit for that term/phrase.  Dr. Wayne Dyer.  Back in the day there were times I “Knew” (in the back of my mind) that the Heart was so much more.  I could feel in my chest growing and expanding with joy when I saw Carrie (ex-wife) walk down the aisle in Chautauqua, NY, and conversely the feeling in the same area after I found out she was with someone else and was leaving me.  Withering, dying, crying.  So.  We are these Feeling Beings and are able to do these things with that miraculous Heart.  It’s my belief that we are hard-wired to be Happy and Joyful, and the majority who do not express this do so out of choice.  Why?  Who knows.  Free Will.  The Experience.  Goes back to the aforementioned “being human” previously written about.  After The Shift it was like my Heart became a balloon.  Buoyant. Uplifted.  Most of all, Happy.

Canyon Lake Retreat – The Human

An Experience.  To what end?  The Spiritual Being of Love and Light manifested into physical form.  Why would such a Being do this?  Can you even fathom what it would be like to be pure Energy, pure Love?  All the other individualizations of the One all experiencing the same.  Enter the physical realm.  Be “Born”.  Live. Experience.  Grow/Expand.  Find yourSelf.  Fall back into Love.  Well.  I guess to put it mildly, I am more referring to Me here, but not everyone wants to have the same experience.  Some feel MORE by the suffering incurred upon them, which makes them appreciate the Love/Light they are even more.  And then there’s Me.  I did suffer.  Mostly self-induced in retrospect.  It seemed like I was always one step away from my Awakening.  Something would always “happen” though.  Some tragedy or travesty, some “whatever” that would send me back down the levels of consciousness.  I finally got through to the physical vessel which carries Me.  We are Spirit of The One Source and we will continue on in this Eternal Moment when the physical is no more.

Canyon Lake Retreat – The Smile

The “Smile” is something that the Voice suggested that I do not talk about, I haven’t. and don’t plan on it.  Writing about it is something different and apparently…OK.

“I Am a Smile” is one of the many I Am phrases I say each morning.  As a matter of fact, one day I noticed in the mirror, I was (in a resting facial expression) a smile waiting to happen.  I came to the realization that it wasn’t just the physical Me smiling, it was my Soul smiling at the Universe.  And here is the thing the Voice suggested not bringing up in the thousand conversations I have had in the past year…I see the Universe smiling back at me.  Where?  Everywhere.  Clouds.  Smudge marks.  Indecipherable lines on a table converging (as my cosmic eyes have sharpened) into a pleasant countenance.  The list is endless.  Not important.  Maybe the How or Why are.  The Reflection.  The Universe (God) is like a mirror, acknowledging, smiling back.  It was a little strange at first. I quickly became accustomed to it.  Even now in this moment as I write, I look over at my moldavite stone crystal and see a smile as plain as a sunny day.  Beautiful.

Canyon Lake Retreat – Forever Now, Time

It is a liberating feeling in knowing that Time does not exist.  Well.  It does and it doesn’t.  The human mind created it.  A need to measure duration.  Beginnings & Endings.  So in that sense “Time” is real.  We are creators in the exact likeness of God.  That being said, I know that Time is not real.  It’s a Feeling.  The Feeling that all there is IS this Moment.  An Eternal Moment without end and which never began.  Paradoxical, I know.  Contradictory, sure.  A Gut Feeling, you bet.  Everything in the past is gone and yet kept alive as much as we want in our own minds.  The future is a series of moments that we haven’t reached yet.  Forever is Eternally Now.  The Moment that never ends, the Moment that never begins.  The Moment that just always IS.

Canyon Lake Retreat – Love (2014 writings continued)

I just had no idea.  No clue.  What is/was love?  I never truly knew until I fell in Love with mySelf.  It’s the Greatest Love in this physical reality.  “You’re OK.”  “I kind of like you.”  “You’re cool…I guess.”  Those are the kind of things I would think or feel.  After the Shift, something dawned on me.  I Loved Me.  It’s this love that gave me the strength to let my girlfriend, Eiris, go.  I do LOVE her.  I came to realize it was different though.  It wasn’t fair to her or myself to keep the relationship going (her in Germany and me back stateside).  It wasn’t in my mind at the time, almost a year ago, but it began to take shape and form recently.  “She” is out there.  She is looking for me as well.  Well.  I guess “looking” kind of doesn’t describe “it”.  Waiting.  A Waiting.  Waiting for that moment when we are in alignment.  When that moment comes, we will be walking next to each other all of the sudden and realize we have always been walking next to each other.  When?  Good question.  Whenever the moment of alignment occurs.  A day?  Maybe a couple months.  10yrs.  Who knows with these things…